Language barrier

My dear friend Liliya, who is something like my sister-in-law, was at a dinner party Saturday night. She retold some of her old stories about her misuse of English, which I've been wanting to include in the blog. Liliya is an extremely talented hair stylist in the Galleria.

1) Shortly after starting as a hair dresser, Liliya asked one man: "Do you want me to trim your mushroom?" He's still a customer today.

2) Another woman she asked: "Do you want me to give you a blow job?"

3) After work one night, a bouncer at a local club commented on Liliya's hair, which was black on the bottom, blond around the crown and red in the middle. He said she looked like a strawberry cheesecake. To which she replied: "Do you want to eat me?," completely in the dark about the connotation.

Liliya is always saying interesting things by accident. I need to write them down more often.